Immunesystem's Quarterly Review

Immunesystem is like a big loudmouthed bouncer at a trendy club who makes a habit of turning away just about everyone and for different reasons.  He parades up and down the sidewalk outside the club ogling potential patrons for defects or weaknesses or any trace of impurity or shopping network.

“Hey you, starchy pilaf, where do you think you’re going? Not in my club smelling like curry … get the fuck-outa-hee.”

“And you, Belvita … get your tryna-be ethnic too-big-to-dip-ass off this line ok?”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me Oatmeal? Again? Does this look like a club for old people man? No it does not Oatmeal, we’ve been over this … “

And Immunesystem is really distractible …

“Oh My God! Processedmeats … you mind-erasing piece of shit get off my STREET … 100 feet Processedmeats!”

“Shellfish? Dude, I let you in last time and your girlfriend Mayo used up all the Kleenex in the BUILDING … wth?? I don’t know man … and those shoes, damn. “

“And Bubble-tea girl, I love you but the boss said you and your cosplay anime-nerdies are bad for business …” (Thick condescension) “I’m SO sorry.” FSF (fake sad face) 😞

The way Immunesystem acts you’d think he’d be beyond reproach ... 

“Keylimepie! OH NO! Not again, get your raging reflux big-ass gluten load from my … (Keylimepie slips Immunesystem some white chocolate lime-zest shavings).

“But I tell you what, just this once maybe ok?“

Anyway. As owner of the establishment I’ve given Immunesystem a lot of gruff over the years. I’ve even threatened to fire him and let lymphatic system take over his duties (I know it wouldn’t work but he doesn’t know that). I mean I like that he takes his job seriously, really I do, there’s a lot of riff-raff out there. There are syndicates and mobsters always trying to muscle in and Immunesystem packs quite a wallop at the door, but did he really have to turn away that hot Greek chick Melomakarouna?

To Immunesystem’s defense, it’s not an easy job, like that time with Phil.

“Look, Phil-o, I know you’re the big guy’s cousin and all, but your not on the list … what am I supposed to do? I’m sorry Phil.”

Sometimes, even good loyal customers like Cream-of-wheat get crossed off the list for good -- DEAD to us ... So yeah it’s not a walk in the park with a waffle-cone.  

But then there are all the new customers … good paying new customers, who’ve lodged TONS of complaints about Immunesystem. And he wonders why he doesn’t get a holiday bonus? LOL! He punched flaxseed the other night because Immunesystem thought he was assaulting Yogurt when flaxseed and Yogurt have been together for months. Oh and just yesterday he completely mistook Avocado for Butter, walked right past him.

And why does Immune system have to dress like the butcher from Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I get casual Fridays and all but the gauntlet and mace-club are a bit much.

I think overall I’d have to give Immunesystem an M grade, for “a mediocre meddlesome maybe ok job considering we are even still alive after letting Processedmeats in …” And no bonus, not after the Keylimepie fiasco.

Preseason final: Mets 3 Red Sox 2
Chechinni and Conforto go deep. Lugo with 2 innings for the W.